Growth Markers

You know... it's cool how God does this... I've been zero-ing in on the sin of fear-of-man (fearing other's opinions more than fearing God) and have really been being stretched in this area. It seems I have to ask for help with each thought because it's such a struggle for me. Even my daydreams tend to foster fear-of-man if I give in. We are to take every thought captive and it seems some days that I am asking for forgiveness at least every 5 seconds! What a beautiful Savior we have... one who is big enough to forgive by the second... and then some!

But, pride seems to be the root of everything, so as I take off pride and put on love it seems I am not only overcoming fear-of-man, but I've also noticed my reaction to life is less self-righteous. As I cooperate with the Holy Spirit in the batttle against fear-of-man, I find that the pride that is stripped away in that area also makes a dent in other areas. As we fight the root, we grow different fruit! Here's an example:

I went to a dinner with my grandparents at their church a few weeks ago. There was a woman who ate with us and we talked for a while. She had been married for 35 years and then was divorced. At one point, she said she went to her son's wedding. She had to be around her in-laws, at times, and she said, "...it was humbling... [She] was so uncomfortable... [She] wanted to die..."

Now, I've never been married, let alone divorced. But God, in His perfect timing, allowed me to walk through a trial... a down period. I dreaded to go to work everyday, I cried often and threw temper tantrems. My poor mom got the short end of the stick... she had to deal with me. I felt terrified of life, incompetent in my job, angry and ready to give up all together. (This isn't that rare for me. I go through cycles like this.)

Let's get back to the story... So, this woman is talking and says she was uncomfortable and wanted to die at this wedding. If I had heard this woman's story a couple years ago it would have went in one ear and out the other. I would have had no compassion for her. My self-righteous heart would have said, "Your fault, lady. You shouldn't have gotten yourself into this mess. Tough luck. Get over it. "

BUT NOT THIS TIME! :-) I heard her heart's cry and I had such empathy! I don't know the pain of divorce, but I know what it's like to feel uncomfortable and want to die. Suddenly her words were not just words. They had meaning to me. I understood her pain. We had a connection that would not have been there had I not just walked through my trial. What joy I had in this conversation!

Isn't it beautiful how God uses all things for our good? Here we both were with such pain behind us and through it I felt joy. He used my pain to soften my heart and I was able to have compassion for a woman who once would have looked like a criminal to me. The ugliness in her decision to divorce no longer had power to make her feel guilty nor to give me justifcation to judge her. Where self-righteousness would have once brought separation between us, there was now compassion in our connection of pain. I now saw a woman who walked through a trial... a woman who could very well be me in the future. What grace God has given! My eyes that were once blind were now unveiled to see the beautiful creature He had created; a woman who was not ugly, but redeemed by a beautiful Savior... and THAT is beauty!

Jesus, I love you. I am only able to have compassion because you set the example and make me able to know my Heavenly Father. That's the relationship you have bought for me. How can I ever repay you? THANK YOU!